suicide!

hey max, i found this on my old LJ, too. thought you might like it [wink wink]. :]


[19 Jan 2005|05:31pm]

Suicide is TOTALLY the answer.

Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electricute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone. But hey, now, being a cripple, he gets millions of dollars in donations and media oppertunities, which will lead to gorgeous women jacking him off. SCORE!

What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. Which is awesome, because now he's too fucking retarded to HAVE any problems! Way to go, John!

What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. LIKE A POKEMON! What twelve-year-old DOESN'T wanna be a pokemon?!? Yayyyyy!!! And anyway, if you're twelve years old and trying to kill yourself (by ODing on Tylenol??), you need to be shot anyway due to the vast amount of shit your head got clouded with when you started thinking that following MTV, teenybopper magazines, pop-punk (what the hell?!) bands was in any way 'good'.

What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide. You might too. No, wait, only an idiotic dopey TWAT will shoot himself in the head and fuck up. And anyway, he's so deformed and fucked up now, he will, again, get loads of money from charaties and such, and also, no chick will EVER approach him, hence no money and/or girl problems, which were probably the reasons why he shot himself in the first place. Problem solved!!!

But... Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job--but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Your father? Your mother? Your wife? Your son? Yes! Absolutely! They can have a race for who does it fastest. After all, if you killed yourself, at least ONE of them must have been the reason, so what the fuck do YOU care?? Serves 'em right. LET'S HEAR IT FOR SUICIDE!!!

The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain. Fuck the suicide note! Those bitches and hoes must PAY!! Don't just kill yourself, BLOW UP A WHOLE BUILDING WITH YOU!! SHOW THE FUCKERS WHO'S (or was) BOSS!!!

Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now. That little asslick probably steals all your attention from your family anyway, you better HOPE the fucker does it. Even though he probably won't give two shits. He's fucking FOUR.

You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline, that will give you the same useless bullshit that they give everyone else who calls (and ends up killing themselves anyway). Call a friend, who can't wait till you die so that he can take your PS2. Call your minister or priest, who can 'help' you by raping you in the confession booth. Call a doctor or hospital, that will lock you away in a nice padded room with no solid objects whatsoever. Call the police, who will lock you in a cell with Bubba, making you want to kill yourself even more. They will tell you that there's hope, and then go back to eating fried chicken and watching TV. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow, or you won't. Ever. Or in a phone call this weekend, from a machine that tells the same thing to everyone who calls. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away. Yep. You'll end up killing yourself in just a minute, a month, or a day.

You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with whatever you have left. Or, just try it again. I mean, killing yourself isn't THAT hard, after all. You wont fuck up the second time. And if you will, I'll help you out. Buddy.

Remember: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So DO it! C'mon, we all know you're a selfish bastard! Kill yourself and FUCK everyone else!