lately people have been surprising me. in a bad way.
one of the people i considered a best friend basically betrayed the shit out of me. after all he went on about how he feels towards -----, he's trading me in for him. okay, no doubt.
honestly, all i really need is my family and my boyfriend. what the fuck else is there anyway? letting people in = setting yourself up for disappointment. that goes with trusting people, too. yeah, i can admit, i do trust people a little too easily. but what fucking right does that give them to act in such a selfish, hurtful way? i just don't understand, I JUST DON'T FUCKING GET IT.
whatever. my mind is completely racing right now and i can barely get my thoughts together. i'll update this some other time.
PS. 3 days til DR. aka 3 days til i miss my boyfriend to death.
xo
a
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
like my first time that i caught fire..
:) :) :)
smiles all around.
reeeeewind. yesterday i saw ali to get one of my favorite bags back. we ended up talking a bunch and i realized that i can actually be his friend, despite of everything we've been through. i mean, maybe the smart choice would be to leave him out of my life for good, but maybe not. it was nice catching up and hearing all about his new life. he's happy for me, i'm happy for him. i'm comfortable around him and i can totally see myself being a good friend to him. i just need some more time to think about it maybe. i don't want to make a mistake. it was really easy not talking to him and keeping him out of my life, but now that we've talked and didn't argue one bit, idk.. it's going to be a lot harder telling him to step out. i plan on changing my phone number today, and until i come to terms with what the right thing to do is, i won't be talking to him. i'm just trying to be cautious, i suppose.
so this morning i went over to max's. i love him :'] haha i just don't know what else i can possibly say. he makes me so fucking happy i can't stand it. i was sitting there on his bed today and i felt like i just popped a triple stack or some shit. it was just such an incredible feeling. i couldn't believe i was completely sober and these feelings were completely natural. i love him i love him i love him.
oh & i also found out yesterday i'm going to the dominican republic with my mom for 10 days. may4th-14th. at first i was panicking and thinking OMG WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITHOUT MAX but i'll keep in touch with him and 10 days isn't such a long time. i need to get away from brooklyn anyway.. besides, these 10 days will bring us so much closer. :]
and now that i've had only about 20 minutes of sleep last night, i'm going to take a nap.
xo
a
smiles all around.
reeeeewind. yesterday i saw ali to get one of my favorite bags back. we ended up talking a bunch and i realized that i can actually be his friend, despite of everything we've been through. i mean, maybe the smart choice would be to leave him out of my life for good, but maybe not. it was nice catching up and hearing all about his new life. he's happy for me, i'm happy for him. i'm comfortable around him and i can totally see myself being a good friend to him. i just need some more time to think about it maybe. i don't want to make a mistake. it was really easy not talking to him and keeping him out of my life, but now that we've talked and didn't argue one bit, idk.. it's going to be a lot harder telling him to step out. i plan on changing my phone number today, and until i come to terms with what the right thing to do is, i won't be talking to him. i'm just trying to be cautious, i suppose.
so this morning i went over to max's. i love him :'] haha i just don't know what else i can possibly say. he makes me so fucking happy i can't stand it. i was sitting there on his bed today and i felt like i just popped a triple stack or some shit. it was just such an incredible feeling. i couldn't believe i was completely sober and these feelings were completely natural. i love him i love him i love him.
oh & i also found out yesterday i'm going to the dominican republic with my mom for 10 days. may4th-14th. at first i was panicking and thinking OMG WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITHOUT MAX but i'll keep in touch with him and 10 days isn't such a long time. i need to get away from brooklyn anyway.. besides, these 10 days will bring us so much closer. :]
and now that i've had only about 20 minutes of sleep last night, i'm going to take a nap.
xo
a
Sunday, April 26, 2009
every thug needs a lady
happy one month anniversary max :)
i love you with everything i've got. <3
that's pretty much all i have to say today.
xo
a
i love you with everything i've got. <3
that's pretty much all i have to say today.
xo
a
Saturday, April 25, 2009
numero uno.
i decided to start keeping an online journal again, for reasons i'm not entirely sure of. in the past, writing has always helped me; cleared my head, sorted my thoughts; calmed me down a little. the journals never lasted long. here's to 40th chances, haha.
so um i don't really have much to write about right now.. i just created this thing and obliged in writing a first entry, so as not to make my journal look blank.
it's beautiful outside. finally new york is warming the fuck up. 82 today, 90 tomorrow. and then we're back at 59 on wednesday. ha-ha. oooh wellllll, one weekend of sunshine is good enough. i'm so sick of the rain and the cold and the wind. it's enough to make anybody want to pack up and head to arizona.
tomorrow i'm heading to a barbeque with the fam. and it's my one month anniversary with max. it feels like it's been longer than that, and shorter at the same time. it's strange how he has become absolutely everything to me in such a short amount of time, and in a healthy way, too. i mean, ali was everything to me for 2 years, but that was the most unhealthiest relationship known to mankind. with max, i am such a better person. i've quit smoking weed, i've quit doing drugs, i've quit drinking. i'm working on getting a full time job and then starting college in september. it just finally feels like everything is as it should be. i feel so fucking lucky, i feel like i've been waiting for this forever. i'm happy, and i'm sober. it just feels surreal. i'm glad i don't have to depend on mdma or any other sort of drug to feel some sort of happiness and peace.
i'm in love.
and now this is getting far too long, so i'ma "make like a ball and swoosh". LOL i love lil wayne, fuck you haters.
xo
a
so um i don't really have much to write about right now.. i just created this thing and obliged in writing a first entry, so as not to make my journal look blank.
it's beautiful outside. finally new york is warming the fuck up. 82 today, 90 tomorrow. and then we're back at 59 on wednesday. ha-ha. oooh wellllll, one weekend of sunshine is good enough. i'm so sick of the rain and the cold and the wind. it's enough to make anybody want to pack up and head to arizona.
tomorrow i'm heading to a barbeque with the fam. and it's my one month anniversary with max. it feels like it's been longer than that, and shorter at the same time. it's strange how he has become absolutely everything to me in such a short amount of time, and in a healthy way, too. i mean, ali was everything to me for 2 years, but that was the most unhealthiest relationship known to mankind. with max, i am such a better person. i've quit smoking weed, i've quit doing drugs, i've quit drinking. i'm working on getting a full time job and then starting college in september. it just finally feels like everything is as it should be. i feel so fucking lucky, i feel like i've been waiting for this forever. i'm happy, and i'm sober. it just feels surreal. i'm glad i don't have to depend on mdma or any other sort of drug to feel some sort of happiness and peace.
i'm in love.
and now this is getting far too long, so i'ma "make like a ball and swoosh". LOL i love lil wayne, fuck you haters.
xo
a
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